Comments on: How to Get Help When You Need It http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/ The positive realities of growing older Tue, 07 Sep 2010 03:09:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Madeleine Kolb http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/#comment-59 Madeleine Kolb Sat, 03 Oct 2009 01:33:54 +0000 http://sixtyplusplace.com/?p=679#comment-59 Walter, Thank you for your comment. As you can see from the post and comments, it's so common to feel that way. Any yet, we've all had such positive responses when we have asked for help. Walter, Thank you for your comment. As you can see from the post and comments, it’s so common to feel that way. Any yet, we’ve all had such positive responses when we have asked for help.

]]> By: Walter http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/#comment-58 Walter Fri, 02 Oct 2009 04:42:10 +0000 http://sixtyplusplace.com/?p=679#comment-58 I also don't understand myself when asking for help. I feel embarrassed when asking one. I feel life I'm helpless. Till now. :-( I also don’t understand myself when asking for help. I feel embarrassed when asking one. I feel life I’m helpless. Till now. :-(

]]> By: Madeleine Kolb http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/#comment-57 Madeleine Kolb Tue, 29 Sep 2009 17:04:29 +0000 http://sixtyplusplace.com/?p=679#comment-57 Hooray for you, Krishna. That's such a great idea! The two reasons you cite for not asking for help are significant factors: the "go it alone" attitude and the story in your head telling you not to impose on others. Your experience sounds very similar to mine. I love your promise to ask for help with 3 things, and it will be great to hear how it turns out. Hooray for you, Krishna. That’s such a great idea!

The two reasons you cite for not asking for help are significant factors: the “go it alone” attitude and the story in your head telling you not to impose on others. Your experience sounds very similar to mine.

I love your promise to ask for help with 3 things, and it will be great to hear how it turns out.

]]> By: Krishna http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/#comment-56 Krishna Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:55:44 +0000 http://sixtyplusplace.com/?p=679#comment-56 Hi Madeleine, So true - every time I have asked someone for help, I have been pleasantly surprised at the response - every time. Still I find myself hesitating to ask for help the next time around. Maybe it has something to do with the "go it alone" attitude we celebrate so much nowadays. I am pretty sure the "I am a nice guy and don't want to impose" story I tell myself is just a cover :-). Whats the worst that could happen, really? If the person is busy, he/she is going to say no, or just give some advice to get me unstuck. And this will end up deepening the bond we share anyways... You know what, first thing tomorrow morning, I am going go go ahead and ask help for at least 3 things that I have been stuck with for the past few weeks. I'll tell you how I go :-). Cheers, Krishna Hi Madeleine,

So true – every time I have asked someone for help, I have been pleasantly surprised at the response – every time. Still I find myself hesitating to ask for help the next time around. Maybe it has something to do with the “go it alone” attitude we celebrate so much nowadays. I am pretty sure the “I am a nice guy and don’t want to impose” story I tell myself is just a cover :-) .

Whats the worst that could happen, really? If the person is busy, he/she is going to say no, or just give some advice to get me unstuck. And this will end up deepening the bond we share anyways…

You know what, first thing tomorrow morning, I am going go go ahead and ask help for at least 3 things that I have been stuck with for the past few weeks. I’ll tell you how I go :-) .

Cheers,
Krishna

]]> By: Madeleine Kolb http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/#comment-55 Madeleine Kolb Mon, 28 Sep 2009 20:11:40 +0000 http://sixtyplusplace.com/?p=679#comment-55 @Jai, Thank you for the comment. I also think that Justin stated it very well. Helping makes people feel good about themselves, and often they will do even more than you ask them to do. @Patrick, "It makes us feel good. So don’t rob your friends, family and other people from the possible joy of helping you." This is a terrific insight. To ask for help or to accept help from others is to include people in your life, sharing the work and the satisfaction of contributing to a something worthwhile. Even something as simple as preparing a Thanksgiving dinner. @Jai, Thank you for the comment. I also think that Justin stated it very well. Helping makes people feel good about themselves, and often they will do even more than you ask them to do.

@Patrick, “It makes us feel good. So don’t rob your friends, family and other people from the possible joy of helping you.”

This is a terrific insight. To ask for help or to accept help from others is to include people in your life, sharing the work and the satisfaction of contributing to a something worthwhile. Even something as simple as preparing a Thanksgiving dinner.

]]> By: Patrick http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/#comment-54 Patrick Sat, 26 Sep 2009 10:16:42 +0000 http://sixtyplusplace.com/?p=679#comment-54 Madeleine, great to see you mentioning, that people indeed love to help. So often we are afraid to disturb their life with our asking for help. We subconsciously even think of it as being rude. But indeed people really love to help each other. It makes us feel good. So don't rob your friends, family and other people from the possible joy of helping you. Give them a chance. Madeleine, great to see you mentioning, that people indeed love to help.
So often we are afraid to disturb their life with our asking for help. We subconsciously even think of it as being rude. But indeed people really love to help each other. It makes us feel good. So don’t rob your friends, family and other people from the possible joy of helping you. Give them a chance.

]]> By: Jai Kai - SharingSuccess.tv http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/#comment-53 Jai Kai - SharingSuccess.tv Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:16:47 +0000 http://sixtyplusplace.com/?p=679#comment-53 Great post. I agree with Justin. All you need to do is really ask. The more you ask, the more you receive. People do genuinely want to help others and see them succeed. I recently just asked Leo from Zen habits to retweet my post and he kindly did so... Great post. I agree with Justin. All you need to do is really ask. The more you ask, the more you receive. People do genuinely want to help others and see them succeed. I recently just asked Leo from Zen habits to retweet my post and he kindly did so…

]]> By: Madeleine Kolb http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/#comment-52 Madeleine Kolb Thu, 24 Sep 2009 04:47:28 +0000 http://sixtyplusplace.com/?p=679#comment-52 Karlil, It is a dilemma. One thing that has been helping me lately is not to focus so much on handling things myself. If there's a lot of work to be done, it's so much less stressful to have some help. It's also more enjoyable to work with others than to struggle alone, and the project will probably turn out better. Maybe if you focus on accepting help when people offer it, that would be a step toward being more comfortable asking for help. Karlil, It is a dilemma. One thing that has been helping me lately is not to focus so much on handling things myself. If there’s a lot of work to be done, it’s so much less stressful to have some help. It’s also more enjoyable to work with others than to struggle alone, and the project will probably turn out better.

Maybe if you focus on accepting help when people offer it, that would be a step toward being more comfortable asking for help.

]]> By: Karlil http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/#comment-51 Karlil Thu, 24 Sep 2009 01:28:43 +0000 http://sixtyplusplace.com/?p=679#comment-51 I have this problem as well Madeleine. I'm always hesitant to ask people for help for some reason I can't comprehend. I don't have problem to ask for favors when I really need it, but asking help when I can handle it myself, that is something I still need to work on. I have this problem as well Madeleine. I’m always hesitant to ask people for help for some reason I can’t comprehend. I don’t have problem to ask for favors when I really need it, but asking help when I can handle it myself, that is something I still need to work on.

]]> By: Madeleine Kolb http://agemyths.com/2009/09/20/how-to-get-help-when-you-need-it/#comment-50 Madeleine Kolb Mon, 21 Sep 2009 16:10:14 +0000 http://sixtyplusplace.com/?p=679#comment-50 Justin, I couldn't agree more. It is surprising how helpful people can be when you respectfully ask for a little help. And your point about "having the guts to ask" is crucial. Sometimes I don't want to bother someone by asking for help, and I have to remind myself (especially in a volunteer organization) that we're all in this together, that a person will probably be happy to help, and that--if he can't help out at that time--all he has to do is say so. Justin, I couldn’t agree more. It is surprising how helpful people can be when you respectfully ask for a little help. And your point about “having the guts to ask” is crucial. Sometimes I don’t want to bother someone by asking for help, and I have to remind myself (especially in a volunteer organization) that we’re all in this together, that a person will probably be happy to help, and that–if he can’t help out at that time–all he has to do is say so.

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