Being Attractive at Any Age

by Madeleine Kolb on December 21, 2009

Several weeks ago, Senator Harry Reid proposed a tax on elective cosmetic surgery as part of health care reform in the U.S. Among the vociferous objections were those of the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery.

No surprise there. Doing face lifts, nose jobs, and other bodily enhancement is how cosmetic surgeons make a living. And quite a comfortable living at that.

But, they hastened to say, the members weren’t objecting for themselves. Their concern was for middle-aged women, a group subjected to intense pressure to maintain their youthful looks, a group which accounts for a whooping 86 % of cosmetic surgery patients. The surgeons worried, they said, that the proposed tax would make elective surgery less affordable for these women.

I know all too well that such pressure exists for women and more and more for middle-aged men as well. We live in a culture which is obsessed with looks—that is, looking young. But I am appalled by the relentless pressure to look “hot” to which women are subjected as they turn 35 or 40 or 45 or older. And I’m outraged by the follow-up message that the way to keeps one’s youthful good looks is to endure elective cosmetic surgery.

Why you should just say “no” to elective cosmetic surgery

Aging is a natural process. It’s part of the cycle of life which starts with conception, gestation and birth and ends with death. The years after you’ve borne your children are precious, years to be celebrated especially as your children grow more and more independent.
Cosmetic surgery is a medical procedure, and—like all medical procedures—it involves risk. For example, a procedure may be done poorly or infection may set in. And if you are wondering what can possibly go wrong, try Goggling face lifts gone bad or breast enhancement problems to see for yourself. Quite an edifying experience.
Cosmetic surgery is expensive and may have to be repeated as you grow older.
Even the best cosmetic procedure often makes you look as if you’ve just had a cosmetic procedure. The pulled-up eyebrows, creating a Look of Perpetual Surprise is one clear give-away.

You are good enough the way you are

Those who pressure women to undergo certain procedures or buy certain products are saying in effect, “You need to do this, because you’re not good enough the way you are.” Sometimes the sub-text implies that a woman is Letting Herself Go if—for example—she doesn’t color her hair well into her 80’s or 90’s. (Your hair-dresser can tell you about this.)

After I stopped getting my hair colored, I started to notice how many women there were with absolutely gorgeous white hair. And I think my by-now-mostly-white hair looks good, and so does my BF.

There are obvious parallels between the pressure on women of all ages to look young and the pressure on black women (and, sadly, even little girls) to change their “bad,” that is, natural, hair. So all women over 35 or so and black women of any age are given the message that they’re not good enough as they are naturally, but that there is some process or product which can make them a little better for a little while.

One of my favorite journalists, Jerry Large, had an article about this in the Seattle Times some weeks ago. Mr. Large, a thoughtful man with a fine sense of humor, suggested that

Good hair is any hair which covers your head.

I’m not saying that looks don’t matter. I’m saying that equating looking good with looking young is harmful to all of us, including young women who dread reaching certain mile-stone birthdays, such as the 30^th or 35^th or 40^th and so on.