I didn’t do that, but I did compete in Humorous Speech Contests in Toastmasters. Last fall, I won the contest at the club, area, and division levels and went on to the district contest, competing against 9 other contestants. I didn’t win but did a good job and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. No four-letter words, though, since it was Toastmasters.

I was very afraid of my age when I turned 70 – even begun writing a blog (in French) “there is life after 70″ to prove it to myself, for 7 years now every morning I do prove it writing my ups and downs and having inspired many “young” people who felt “old” at merely 40 or 50 or etc.

London, this last three years and Toastmaster pals, and the public listening to my storytelling made me feel nowadays even younger.

Last month I went to a Stand Up Comedy Class and at the end showcase my age and courage to stand up made people laugh, specially when I started to speak like the young boys I heard, in the class, using some 4 letter words, that of course, I would never use in private – but in a show… Age can have some interesting, surprising advantages, too.
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Like you, I noticed a change in the way people perceived me when I turned 60. It wasn’t so much that I was different in any way that really matters. It was more that I met the stereotype of a little old lady, someone who’s a little slow in every possible sense of the word. It’s important that we fight back against the ridiculous stereotypes of old women.

A huge insight in the women’s movement years ago was that “The personal is political.” That’s true for people over 60, both men and women.

Just stop calling us Sweetie or Dear!IWe dont know you.We are not your friend.We are not demented.We are not stupid.We are not worthless.

When my hair was salt/pepper, people addressed me as Ma’am. However, when my hair became totally white, I was immediately treated as an old lady. The most funny thing I noticed was the way women my age (of whom I can discern their age by their dress
and facial features) actually avoided me. These women constantly dyed their hair.

Once I went to buy a business suit at a JC Penney store. While standing in line to purchase my suit, (without me speaking a word) the female clerks immediately began speaking loudly about how they color their hair in the shower, how their children
disapproved of their gray hair and insisted that they color it. By the time I reached the register, the clerk began directly engaging me on how she colors her hair. I had not spoken a word about my hair, as I was more interested in buying a business suit.

Now as for the words hon, sweety, dear, I was never addressed that way when my hair was salt/pepper, but immediately when I became totally white, I have been treated as an ancient relic. Yesterday when I was in a restaurant with some friends, a male friend was addressed as to whether they were ready to order. Although every male at the table was my age early 50′s, (one gentleman shaves his head, the other gentleman is mostly white haired) I was the only one addressed with the word hon, sweety.

So in conclusion, I feel that women need to support each other by not allowing ourselves to be viewed as useless over the age of 40. Hon, sweety, dear are demeaning terms used to address children who are still learning the fundamentals of life. Used in relationship with older people, it is demeaning because we are being addressed as if our minds are declining. Well, I have two degrees and one of them is in the field of Visual Communication Technology, in which we learn how to overcome problems with computer software compitibility issues. I tire of people trying to carefully explain how the software works when using Word, or Excel.

After readying your Blog, Madeleine, I am happy to know that others are being treated as I am, and I am more determined than ever to elevate the white haired women.

Thank you,

Bobbi

I agree that calling a woman Hon or Dear is a regional custom which may or may not be related to the age of the woman. In Seattle, though, I started to be addressed that way when I stopped dying my hair and let it go white. There, it was a matter of age, and it felt condescending to me.

I’ve never responded in an angry or offended way to being called Hon, and I agree that it would be rude or even mean to do so. However, for certain national restaurant chains, such as IHOP, I think it makes sense to train the staff to address people as Ma’am or Sir.

Here’s another (way late) comment on “Hon,” “Dear/Dearie,” “Sweetie,” etc. — provided with the utmost respect.

Please, everyone, lighten up! Folks who grew up in Maryland (and perhaps other parts of the South) grew up hearing these terms used in public places by service providers. They often have no idea at all that (or why) you would find it condescending and disrespectful. They think they are being friendly, and that is certainly their intention. (They’ve been calling me “Hon” etc. for the 20 years since I moved here, and I’m only just 61, so it isn’t an age thing.)

If it bothers you, please take a deep breath and then calmly say something like, “You know, I’m not from around here. [That term (repeat what they used) ] isn’t something I’m used to. Could you consider using [your favorite term]? ” You might even strike up a conversation about it, explaining what it is that bugs you about it. (I assure you that a volatile or angry reaction from an unintentional ruffling of one’s feathers can be fairly disrespectful as well. One instance I observed soon after I moved here was not just disrespectful but mean!)

For fun and some more insight about why someone in Maryland in particular might get offended that someone from elsewhere was offended, check out these articles in the Baltimore Sun, one recent and one from 1994:
The first is part of a series on why Baltimoreans think that a local business promotor of “Hon” stuff has gone over the top in trademarking the term:
> http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2011-01-04/entertainment/bs-ae-hon-trademark-challenge-20110104_1_cafe-hon-hontown-denise-whiting

The second relates to a guy who used to regularly paint a comma and “Hon” on the “Welcome to Baltimore” sign on the Baltimore-Washington Parkway. As soon as the MTA removed it, he’d sneak back out and do it again.
> http://articles.baltimoresun.com/1994-03-17/news/1994076190_1_hon-man-hon-man-meet-the-hon

The quirkiness of the region/state/county or town you are in is part of the fun stuff in life!

Your mother sounds charming and energetic. It’s unfortunate that some people take one look at a woman’s white hair and conclude that she’s feeble in body and mind.